he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
