i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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