I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
