Define "chronic" masturbator.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
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