I think my vagina is haunted
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
