ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Randomize
