I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Randomize
