he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I touched a dick in church today
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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