This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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