he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
