I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize
