You really coming over, don't trick.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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