Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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