If i come over, it means nothing
Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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