hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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