I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
