fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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