So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
