i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
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