Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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