I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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