hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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