yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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