well you can't waste a boner
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
