I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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