I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Randomize
