i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Randomize
