The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
