i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
