The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
