i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
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