So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
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