well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Is it penis luge time yet?
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
