Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Randomize
