So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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