Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
