Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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