Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Randomize
