Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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