You can't motorboat a personality
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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