I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
