the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
This toilet bowl is my home.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
