She just used a chaser for red wine.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
