Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
