So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
