We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
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