She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
