so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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