I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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