I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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